Art and Experience

"Yes, writers can write about suffering even if they don't know it intimately, but some may feel that their work will lack authenticity if they haven't experienced the same trials and tribulations as their characters on some level." -- Denise Mann, everydayhealth.com

I'm guilty of it too. I have often called myself an "experience-oriented" person because every experience I have is just one more thing I can express well. The first time I fainted I thought "At least I can write this accurately now." Every time during my pregnancy that I was doubled over the toilet with morning sickness I told myself the same thing. When it came to making a birth plan I was determined not to have pain medications because I thought it would have cheated me of a true birth experience (thankfully that part of my brain was cancelled out in labour and I had a shot of morphine). But when I heard of another woman's brush with death during her delivery I was a little jealous -- yes, jealous of someone who nearly died! Yes, it was a very small part of me, but I still thought "What an experience that would be to be able to write about."

I know it sounds crazy. It is. It's a side effect of being told to "write what you know."

Yes, it's good to write from experience, but I think we writers can forget that writing is about suspending disbelief -- achieving the perfect balance of factual and fantastic. It's easy to forget that when some of the biggest inspirations arise from our most painful experiences. Some of the most painful times of our lives are rooted in our minds, our own personal little torture chambers.

Depression seems to be weirdly prevalent among writers. I get it, I've been there. There have been times I even thought that being depressed meant I was on the right track. I mean, how many famous authors have been documented as having suffered from depression? Too many to count.

Believing that our emotional turmoil creates amazing works of fiction is understandable. When it comes from the heart it can be incredibly powerful and relatable; one of my strongest works came from my experience with postpartum depression. My fiction professor had said that every moment of it felt incredibly real. Even now, I forget to write it truthfully: it came from my experience of coming to terms with and beating postpartum depression. Often it seems like I've somehow gotten it in my head that beating it was the lesser part, that the value of that story was made by my weakness, if I can really call it that (which I don't think I can), and not my strength.

I have to remind myself that depression isn't what makes my writing. My love of words and storytelling came long before my first bout of depression. While literature can be enriched by our painful experiences, it can also be weakened by them. My best work may have emerged from the pain and frustration of new motherhood, but I've written some excruciatingly dull works when depressed or reflecting on my depression as well. I would put myself back in that mental torture chamber to relive my worst moments for the sake of art. At times it worked, at others it only served to hurt me.

It has taken a long time to convince myself that my writing is better when my mind is healthy. I'm not perfect, I still have bouts of depression despite changing my eating habits and going to counselling when I need to. I still write during those times for the cathartic effect but I'm gentler with myself when I read what I wrote and realize it's essentially unusable.

Writers often have depression, whether lifelong or short term. But writers are not made because of their depression. Our minds and imaginations are at their best when we take care of ourselves. We don't need to make ourselves suffer because we think it strengthens our writing. It doesn't. So ask for help or support from whoever you have. You're stronger than a mental illness

#mentalhealth #depression #writers #literature #art